"I WANT TO die young at an old age.' Those words of Ashley Montagu were
stuck on my mirror long before stickies were invented," says Rev. William
Cox, retired United Methodist pastor and one member of a team of three persons
who leads seminars on "A New Vision of Growing Older."
Four years ago. Cox was discussing post-retirement options with a friend who
recommended the book From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Profound New Vision of Growing
Older by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. "I had bet Reb Zalman (as he is
affectionately know) 10 years earlier, and respected his work," Cox said.
He bought the book on the way home, began reading it, and couldn't put it down.
"It articulated so well my thoughts of an active, growing, vital aging
experience."
Rich Kessler and Marian Eisner had quite a different experience. In their late
a40s and early 50s respectively, they had busy careers and four elderly parents
living We drove to Dubuque from our home in Bloomington on a bright January day.
When we registered, my wife was asked what 'Order' she belonged to and we knew
we were in for an adventure. The retreat center was a beautiful old building
with comfortable but spartan accommodations. At dinner the first night I
discovered that, except for one of the presenters, I was the only man
there," said Kessler.
The group, ranging in age from mid-40s to early 90s, worked
individually--meditating and writing--and together in pairs and small groups,
harvesting the wisdom of their combined 4,000 plus years of life experiences.
They looked back over the many paths their lives had taken, and the ways in
which they wanted to live their future years. They explored concerns about
growing older and things they looked forward to. They talked about their
mortality, and how they wished to die, if given the choice. They explored
painful memories, looking at people who may have hurt them, or whom they may
have harmed. They worked on forgiving others and themselves and found"
pearls of wisdom" garnered from painful life experiences. "We sang,
and laughed, and cried, and played together, and we grew stronger and closer. We
ate meals together, snacked together, followed our own religious practices, and
shared them with others. I can't remember feeling so much love, caring, and
camaraderie in a very long time,: said Kessler.
Spiritual eldering deals with life's meaning
William, Marian, and Rich met at a Spiritual Eldering workshop led by Rabbi
Schachter-Shalomi at the Passion For Life Conference in Minneapolis in the
spring of 1996 and have been working together since. Spiritual Eldering, as the
work is called, seeks to reclaim the traditional role of elder which has largely
been lost in our youth culture. Older persons are often seen as obsolete,
ridiculed and barely tolerated members of society. Too often persons in their
older years buy into those images. This work prepares older persons to become
physically vital, spiritually radiant, and socially responsible elders of the
tribe. It emphasizes that the work is spiritual, rather than religious, and
deals with the meaning and purpose of life and our personal visions for a
fulfilling life.
The workshops utilize research on aging, techniques of contemporary psychology,
and contemplative spiritual practices to re-frame our attitudes toward the aging
process and create our personal vision for life in our later years. Workshop
participants engage in a process of life review and begin to identify themselves
as wise sages who have a valuable legacy to leave to other generations. In the
Native American culture, the elder Black Elk, emphasized ate importance of
making decisions based on how they will affect the next seven generations. Each
person in the workshop looks at ways they can make a difference in the lives of
their families, friends, communities, and society. Rabbi Schachter envisions a
world council of elders like Jimmy and Roselyn Carter, who would use its
collective wisdom to promote cross-cultural understanding, social justice, and
environmental harmony.
What blocks us from living fully in our older years? It is often our unresolved
experiences of our past and our fears of the future. We find ourselves being
boxed in to a diminished present. The workshops help people come tot to terms
with past and future, and live more vitally in the present.
Reading the book or participating in a workshop are only the beginnings of the
process. Some communities have ongoing, "Elder" sharing and discussion
groups. Some find elder-buddies to continue the work. Rabbi Schachter emphasizes
the importance of finding a support system for one's elder work when he says,
"The only way to get it together is together."
Who is the "Reb Zalman?" He is a walking paradox. Born in Vienna, he
came to this country as a teenager in 1941 and became a Hassidic rabbi. With the
gifts of an open heart and an inquiring mind, he learned first hand about other
religious traditions, including Buddhism, Christianity, Surfism, and Native
American culture and waves that knowledge into his views on aging and into his
work. He has been a college professor and currently holds the position of World
wisdom Chair at Naropa Institute In Boulder, Colorado.
He began the Spiritual Eldering work when, approaching his 60th birthday, he
fell into a deep depression about his own aging and went on a 40-day retreat in
the mountains of New Mexico. There he prayed, wrote, and meditated. "I felt
that in the ideal of the good life--the life that I strive for--there must be a
good aging. Who lived it? Who described it? For all the other ages of my life I
had models, codes of behavior, scripts. I began to pay attention to my inner
work, my contemplations, journaling. Engaging in a review of my life, I began to
feel lighter. My introspective work and research expanded my horizons growing
older. I began to see myself becoming an elder."
What does it mean to be an Elder? What qualities do we look for, or try to
cultivate? The Spiritual Eldering work uses a definition developed by Barry
Barkan of the Live Oak Institute.
Definition of an Elder
"An Elder is a person who is still growing, still a learner, still with
potential, and whose life continues to have within it, promise for and
connection to the future. An Elder is still in pursuit of happiness, joy and
pleasure, and her or his birthright to these remains intact. Moreover, an Elder
is a person who deserves respect and honor and whose work is to synthesize
wisdom from long life experience and formulate this into a legacy for future
generations."
Life expectancy has risen from around 40 years about 100 years ago to nearly 80
years as we approach the new millennium. What will we do with these extra years?
Will we be aging, or "sageing?" For some, aging can be a painful
process, filled with diminished physical and mental abilities. This program can
help you make the last third of your life the best, richest, most meaningful
time of your life. Learn to enjoy the harvest of a lifetime, use your
experiences as a source of wisdom for your family and future generations, and
create a pro-elder society. Through discussions, demonstrations, and exercises,
we explore the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual sides of growing
older.
Who attends these seminars? Of course, those in their senior years, but also
persons facing retirement, persons who work with seniors, and persons who are
concerned with aging relatives and friends.
Workshops are being offered this fall for persons in Northeast Minneapolis. New
Brighton. St. Anthony Village, and surrounding Minneapolis and St. Paul
communities. The workshops are made possible through a grant from the United
Methodist Foundation. Also scheduled is a one-day seminar in Owatonna, a series
at Pax Christi Catholic Community in Eden Prairie, and a three-day workshop at
Koinonia Retreat Center near Annandale. Information about any of these may be
obtained by calling Richard Kessler at 952-884-1128; William Cox at
651-488-8275; or e-mail HYPERLINK at wcox@msus1.msus.edu
William Cox, STM, is retired from 33 years as a United Methodist minister,
counselor and member of the Community Faculty of Metropolitan State University.
He has been devoting much of his elder years to his own adult spiritual
development, and the support of others of mature years in creating and living
out their visions.
Marian Eisner, MA, LISW, is a social worker with over 30 years of direct
service, supervisory, and administrative experience. An experienced speaker, she
has taught college courses and presented workshops at local, national, and
international conferences.
Richard Kessler, MEd, is a mediator, teacher, and meteorologist. He is the
president of the Minnesota Center for Conflict Resolution and has taught classes
and workshops on scientific and social themes. He has mediated family, business,
and community issues since 1984.
